The Other WoMAN

This blog is perhaps a continuation of my frustration with being a band girlfriend. When you date a guy in the band, you date the band. This requires that you trust these guys, love them, and support them just as much as your guy. They are the ones that your man will get advice from, be held accountable to, and vent to. You must be careful in how you treat them. They are like brothers to your guy.
Now to give you a little background: this is not my first go round with being a band girlfriend. However, this is my first time not being with the front man. I am with the drummer. My guy's relationship is one of that to an employer. He can't piss the front man off. However, I don't think he ever would. My man grew up in a fairly conservative upper middle class family. He got married early, then divorced soon after. He then went to college and got a degree. His degree was in Christian studies. He went into the ministry, met the front guy of his band, learned how to play djembe, started playing a few nights a week, left the ministry, and now this is his dream. He puts the front guy up on a pedestal. To me, it is so ridiculous.
He sees him as a good father, loving husband, overall great guy. I see him as a hypocrite jerk who likes to have that appearance but who is constantly womanizing, asking women to show their tits, hugging and kissing on different women at the bar. While my man is great, the company he is keeping isn't so. But you can't just disasssociate yourself because he is the man bringing in the money. I don't think that our front guy is a bad guy, but he needs to rope himself in a bit.
Now, here is where the kicker lies for me today. They have started traveling together. Yes, a gig in a major US city. One that my guy and me went and visited this summer together. Now this is how I feel: I am uber excited for them! I think it is great that they are getting to go somewhere and be heard, this will give them a chance to open up their fan base and get their name out there, I am proud for them. but I just can't help being a little paranoid that the front man will try to pull my man down. My guy will pretty much go along with anything he says because he doesn't want to upset him. No backbone that I have seen. This is the wierd part: they are going up there a day earlier than when they have to play and don't leave until the afternoon of the next day after they play. What are they going to do with their free time? Tour the city a bit, see a major landmark that we were not able to see (first thing that came out of my bf's mouth, thanks jerk) and then what in the evening. When they went to Nashville earlier this year they did a bar crawl, sang karaokee, and then passed out at the hotel. Thing was they were with another guy in the band who is undoubtedly the greatest guy ever. He would stand up in a second to let the others now that in their drunken states they were going too far.
I trust my man. I really do. I think he is a stand up guy and a wonderful man. I think that his idolization of the front man is too much and I am worried that if the situation came up where the front man found a group of girls to woo that my man wouldn't say "na' we're good" or if the front guy decided it would be great to go to a strip club that my guy would go along. This is ridiculous the way I feel and I recognize this.
When I tried approaching my guy about this, he gets very angry thinking that I don't trust him. I do, but his infatuation scares me. why one might ask? because my last band guy had an infatuation with his rythmn guy and it wound up being a gay relationship that they were hiding. Infatuations with anyone are not good. I just wish someone was going with them that I knew would be responsible in holding them accountable.
It would make me feel so much better if when I talked to him that he would respond in a better way sot aht I knew he wasn't holding it against me when he goes up there. This shit fucking sucks. I am so upset because I know that they are going to tour together in the future and I am not always going to be there. He is setting the foundation pretty shakey right now. I almost want to run because of this. I am scared. What do I do?

A Band Girlfriend

Hello all,

I am a band girlfriend. This is to say that my boyfriend plays in a band. For some this might seem as any ordinary relationship. For me- it is a self sacrificing bloodhound. Let me explain.

In any normal relationship, it is generally accepted that past relationships stay in the past. They don't show up at your place of work dancing seductively in front of you. They don't stare at your current mate with looks to kill. When these things happen, for sake of the band and their reputation, I am forced to stay quiet, smile sweetly, and invite them to please come out again and bring friends. Quiet while I seeth inside. While be it that my boyfriend doesn't agg them on nor does he carry on conversations with them. But nothing can be said to upset a "fan."

In another sad case, an overly drunk pair of middle aged women came up and were flashing him. Not much I can do there. He even looked down, bless his heart. I sat and still enjoyed listening and dancing. At the end of the gig, crazy drunk lady number 1 ran up to my boyfriend while he was packing his rig and shouted at him that she was never coming back up there again because of "that girl," meaning me. I guess she saw us kiss on break and got all upset in her drunken mind. I didn't even speak to her nor eye her down. It's strictly bullshit. A drunken slur of nonsense. But nonetheless, the fan is always right and always comforted. "Don't worry - I promise it will never happen again. I hope that you all come back up here soon."

Why do you put up with something like this? In all respects, my relationship is wonderful. I am the center of his attention and devotion. We go out, we stay in, we have our dogs that we treat like our children, we have mutual close friends, cook, and are constantly laughing. I can honestly say that I have never been so in love.

What got me going on this rant tonight? Drunken crazy lady from above facebooked my boyfriend asking for a friend request. Now granted, his page is full of photos of us. Hell, even his profile pic is a pic of us. I am not jealous nor am I untrusting. If that were so, I would leave this relationship immediately. Now we both are frequent face bookers' : we use it to stay in contact with our close friends and family. Our family lives out of state and it creates a means for us to share photos, stories of day, etc. I don't want these huligans in our lives, looking at our day to day, our activities, our family, searching through our photos.

So I must ask, and please do respond: when do we draw the line on how far a fan can go? Is it not too much to ask that we keep our profiles private to only friends? Can we allow fans, but just not the unruly ones? How do I approach the topic? Do you have any alternatives for us? Or am I just completely losing it because it is 5:45a and this lack of privacy has been keeping me up all night? I don't want to sacrifice our private life.

Please help.

The Cookie and the Man

a cookie in its simplicity is a wonderful way to say i love you. why is this? having cookies in the home is luxury for a man to divelge on at his own convenience without guilt and with utter thankfulness, which does not have to be verbally expressed, for his womans careful attention to his unacknowledged needs. Just his quiet lifting of the container and a full smiling mouth is all she needs to feel appreciated and adored. it is just that little something that says i love you without words. the cookie and the man